Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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