i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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