I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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