Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize