At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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