Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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