ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
