Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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