'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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