I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
