i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
