so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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