I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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