i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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