I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
