Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
