Kiss
Puke
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
