I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
