Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize