so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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