Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
