Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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