You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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