doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
