How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
