My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
