um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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