Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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