i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So many bounce houses so little time
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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