I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
