Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
there was a trapeze. enough said
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
