Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
