I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
