There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
