The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
