Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
