you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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