a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
