He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
