Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
