You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
