I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
its not stalking. its research.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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