I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
