Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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