We're like a lot better than the average bears
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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