I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
