when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize