if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
