I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
