its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
