apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
