You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
