1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
