It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
