I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
