You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
