Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
