Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
