2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
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