a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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