I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
