yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
