toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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