I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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