That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
