I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
