i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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