i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
