You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
