i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
