Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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