my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
