I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
