Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
