My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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