My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
