yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
