Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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