So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
