It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
