They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
