Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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