Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
