apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
