duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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