I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
