Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
