ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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