she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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