Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
