i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
it glows. i had to have it.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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