i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
