ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
